During one of the summer holidays in NUS, I joined my hostel orientation camp as a counselor. I aimed to assist the organizing committee to run the camp and the juniors to better accustom themselves to NUS and hostel life. Although I was a reserved person and relatively more introverted, I understand that one need to have different facets to adapt to different situations. Therefore, I tried my best to be more active to “fit” into the role of a counselor.
Things do not always happen the way one wishes them to be. When I was the day counselor, I got accused by the organizing committee for not following the schedule tightly. I admit that I did cause some delay but we were indeed reminded to wait for the command from the coordinator before we take any actions on our own. I thought it was not really a big deal and led the orientation group as normal. Later, I overheard my friends from the same group backstabbing me for the delay without even knowing clearly about the situation. I thought of explaining to them but I held back as I thought they would have rather believed the organizing committee since they are of the same “cliques”.
My experience as a counselor during the orientation camp is, therefore, an awful one as I lost trust in my friends and gradually isolated myself from the group. I kept blaming myself for not being able to communicate well and thought it would be better for me to keep myself away from them.
Now that I think about it, I am aware that I felt bad as I was ruled by emotions then. I could have explained the real situation to them and probably gain their empathy, which might enable us to build a stronger relationship.
Dear friends, if you were in my shoes, what would you do?
Hi May!
ReplyDeleteIt must have been a very painful experience hearing someone backstabbing you when he or she does not have a good understanding of the whole situation. It feels like you are not being understood at all.
If i was in the same situation, I think i would have tried to explain to them what actually happened, and i was already trying my best to follow the chain of command and lead the orientation group. I understand it is not easy to lead the group and follow the schedules if the command is unclear. So next time you shall stand up and speak for yourself if it's not your fault! You can do it!
-Edward
Hi (May or Mei? =p)!
ReplyDeleteOrientation camp is supposed to be a very fun event, so to experience what you went through would definitely cause anyone to be upset.
I was also part of an orientation camp in hall before, albeit as a senior attached to a group. There was a case whereby our group was late for a number of reasons, but everyone took it lightly and did not make a fuss about it. Although we were reminded to follow the schedule, but no backstabbing occurred fortunately.
If i were in your position, i would try to explain to them of what actually happened. Regardless whether they would believe, i would still at least approach the rest of the group (as they might not be backstabbing like the others). Anyway, you showed a good self-control by not confronting the committee unnecessarily.
In a positive light, you are really impressive by challenging yourself to take up an engaging role even though you felt more like a reserved person. That was a great start so don't let this thing hold you back. =)
Hey Mei,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear about the experience that you had.
I used to be a very introverted person myself and hence, I can understand the rationale behind your course of action.
I have learnt from my own painful experiences in recent years that running from a conflicts only makes things worse. If you are not guilty, running away only serves to "proof" your guilt in many social interactions.
I think I would just present the rationale for my actions in a logical, calm and collected fashion. If need be, I would ask for an independent opinion or a set of objective criteria to judge my actions. Picking the right venue and time to do this are crucial aspects I would have to take into account too.
In many organisations, a certain level of "politics" does go on and sadly, there are people who take advantage of gossip to backstab others in order to gain influence in the community. On the other hand, real friends should allow you the chance to explain yourself.
Keep up the good work and continue to push your boundaries. I think that you are doing a great job!
@Edward: Thanks for your comment! I do agree with you that speaking up for myself would definitely help to ease the situation. I would try to do so if I encounter the same situation next time! :)
ReplyDelete@Yohan: Thanks for the suggestion! Yes, I think I should have at least try to approach the rest of the group, instead of avoiding them and having the perception that they were of the same clique.
@Kim Soon: Thanks for your comment. I do agree that "politics" is indeed inevitable esp when we step into the society and others will not speak up for us, unless we ourselves do. I've learned that there are different kind of people in this society and I should learn to protect myself and respect others at the same time.